The Real 40 Year-old Virgin

This video is about my friend, Chris Bogen, who got married last week at the age of 34. Although this does not seem like a big story, the part that is a bit of a headline is that at the age of 34, in the year 2006, Chris Bogen was still a virgin on his wedding night. He made a decision in his heart years ago to commit to no sexual relationships until he got married, and carried through with that decision all the way to completion, when he was married last week.

Let me first say that this video and article are in no way meant to condemn those who have not taken this course for their life. Chris had a strong faith in Jesus Christ that anchored his reason for choosing this path, and a great support system around him to instill in him Godly values and principles. Sadly, many of us do not get those same support systems put around us as children urging us to be people of commitment in the area of sexuality.

Worse yet, we live in a world that for the most part promotes sexual activity at a very young age, and in turn criticizes those who choose to follow a different path. The Steve Carrell movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin, that was released in 2005, was a multi-million dollar blockbuster movie with the entire story being about how crazy it was to have a person in their forties that had not become sexually active. The concept of a man not being sexually active is almost unheard of in today’s society, for any reason, especially because that person wants to maintain a commitment to God.

So what is the answer then to those looking for sexual purity before marriage? For me it is as simple as this: My most important relationships depend on me being a committed person in the area of sexuality; and if I choose another path I will hurt those closest to me. First of all, my relationship with my family would unravel without the boundaries of sexual commitment. My children are depending on me to keep control of our household, and that begins with my self control in the area of sexuality. Also, my relationship with God is not founded on my actions, God loves me just the way that I am. When I break my commitments to my faith, by stepping out of my commitment to sexual purity, my own spirit and heart condemns me, and causes me to distance myself from God…which makes me even more vulnerable to all kinds of temptation. [Gen 3:10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."] If I love those who I am in the closest relationships with, I must maintain a lifestyle of sexual commitment, or face the realities of the pain that comes from broken commitments.

I know some of you would say, “Easier said than done”, and I would agree that this is a tough and challenging choice to make in today’s society. But if we want to live happy and healthy lives, we must make the right choices to ensure we get the right results for our futures. God did not ask us to make a commitment to sexual purity to punish us, or to keep us from having fun, He did it because like a good parent, He know what is best for us and loves us enough to want us to have the best for our lives. In the area of sexuality, there is no greater path than that of healthy sexual expression in marriage.

Congrats again to the Chris and Mary Bogen, may the price they paid before their marriage carry over into a healthy, God-centered, committed marriage. Their story gives hope to some young people out there that this kind of God-centered choice is possible and attainable in today’s society.